I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
