I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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