It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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