I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
