I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
