Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
