I can text with my tongue
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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