I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
