we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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