Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We have so much sex to catch up on
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
