I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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