i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
