All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
