Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
