You smell like a Billy Joel song
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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