Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
