btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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