So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
