And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
