Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
