Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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