it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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