Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
this is an emotional support booty call
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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