we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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