I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Who died my cat blue again?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
