To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
