once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
