Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
