Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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