somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
