yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
