how can u be prego again
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
