I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
