We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will pee on everything he values.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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