I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
