So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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