Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
