road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
