and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
