the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
