I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
