You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
