i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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