I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
