So drunk its hurt
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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