How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think my vagina is haunted
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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