I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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