i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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