i permit you to call me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need to calm my uterus...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
