grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
