Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
