How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
