I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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