I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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