you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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