I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
