dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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