i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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