he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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