ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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