the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize