I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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