Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
