I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
