this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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