Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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