is your mom at the bar?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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