You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
