and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
