It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
