I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize