My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
