I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
